I know there are distractions out there, Mr. Minaya. But please, I implore you. There is only one prize you need concern yourself with, so ignore Plans A through Y, and stay focused on Plan Z. Put Barry Zito in a Mets uniform! The other options are mere mirages.
Roger Clemens says he only would be willing to pitch for the Yankees Red Sox or Astros, but I bet you think you could persuade him to pitch at Shea. Listen, there's only one reason this guy can still pitch lights out at age 90: he's stone cold psycho. You thought you saw the cracks in his psyche when he launched a bat at Mike Piazza? That was nothing. This guy's one busted synapse away from going postal on an entire clubhouse. Forget him.
I bet you think you could trick Jeffery Loria into letting Dontrelle Willis go. Forget it. I know he's got a lifetime 11-2 record with a 2.00 against the Mets, but if you check his stats against other clubs you'll realize the D-Train is running out of steam. And besides, there's only one way you can soil the classiness of a Bentley. Get arrested for urinating in the street next to it, drunk. Goes to show you just can't buy class.
Yes, NLCS MVP Jeff Suppan is available for about half the price of Zito. And I know his stats look pretty good since coming to the National League. But here's the thing Omar, you bring this guy to Queens and he'll be a lightning rod for the media. Appearing in a political ad countering Michael J. Fox might go over just fine in red state Missouri, but that's not gonna fly in New York. Remember when he appeared along side Jim Cavezial urging voters to strike down a stem cell research amendment because he claimed it protected cloning as "a constitutional right?" Only problem: if he'd actually read the 2000 words of the bill he'd have seen it specifically banned cloning. (1) No person may clone or attempt to clone a human being. Now, I don't like to get political on this blog. Baseball is baseball and politics are politics, but at least deal with the facts, man. Cloning people is creepy. Science isn't creepy! More to the point of this blog: Barry Zito isn't creepy!
Sammy Sosa really wants back into baseball. He put on a hitting show in the Dominican Republic today, holding an open workout and launching 15 home runs. He says the year layoff won't hurt him at all:
"Ted Williams went to war and lost a couple years. More recently, Barry Bonds stayed away for more than a year and came back, and the same happened with Frank Thomas because of injuries,"Wow, that's quite eloquent, coming from a guy who didn't speak English well enough to answer the Congressmen's questions during the hearing on steroids. I know you have a man-crush on this guy, Omar, but please, move away!
Focus Omar, focus. There might not be time enough left to bring us a Barry Merry Mets Christmas, but how about a Zito New Year?
