Monday, January 14, 2008

Booooooooorrrrrrrring

Man, is this just the most uneventful offseason in Mets memory, or what? We traded arguably our most exciting young player this side of Jose Reyes for a rightfielder who can't hit lefties and a catcher who can't hit anything. Other than that, the biggest baseball news coming out of Flushing is we have a neato first base coach in 2008.

If the players we sign can't be stars, at least they have semi-interesting names: Steven Register, Matt Wise, and Angel Pagan. If only these players were any good, New York's copy editors could have a lot of fun writing headlines about them.

Metsblog must have posted 8,000 different articles about Johan Santana rumors, and absolutely nothing of substance to report. Not really Matt Cerrone's fault, but it's really gotten retarded. If Hank Steinbrenner coughed up a nickel for every time he said the Junkees were in or out of the Santana Sweepstakes, Cashman would have the $200 Million it's gonna take to sign the guy. The Mets don't say a damn thing - just leak rumors to Schmuck Francesca that the Twins want Reyes and the Mets won't trade him.

I've plunked down my bills for two sets of seven packs, ensuring that I'll see the last ever Shea opener and the final regular finale at my church... I am just so damn used to the Mets winning the World Series in December every year that I just can't get over the lack of a big splash this year. Heck, how about a little splash? Sign Mike Piazza to be the backup backstop and run Rapist Ramon out of town already. I'm glad we no longer have any known juicers on the roster, but I'd be even happier if we didn't have anyone who had been convicted of assault on a female either. Hey, it's my soapbox I can preach if I want to.

Roger Clemans looked liked the biggest liar in the world on 60 minutes this month, but if he really does follow through with the lawsuit - I mean really follow through and drag it all the way through the courts, and really takes the stand under oath before Congress and says if he used steroids he should be kept out of the hall of fame and be made to give back his Cy Youngs, I'll give him a smidgen of the benefit of the doubt. Until then he's Roider Clemens to me. And Paul LoDuca can shut the hell up.

Man, I wish I had more real baseball to write about.

My son is due in 27 days and we had a baby shower this weekend. I am proud to say that besides all teh other very generous gifts we got, I'm excited to report my kid's brainwashing will begin on day one, when he arrives into this world equipped with Mets pacifiers, Mets receiving blanket, several Mets T-shirts including a David Wright #5 tee, Mets shorts, Mets plush baseball, a Mets rattle, a Mets picture frame, and perhaps best of all, a Mr. Met crib mobile. Awesome.


Now we'll just see if the kid shows up on Feb. 15th, the day pitchers and catchers report. That would be the second best arrival date after Feb 2. Groundhog Day, of course. So for the rest of my life I can embarrass the kid by telling the story of his birthday, when the doctor held aloft my new baby boy, who then saw his shadow and we had six more weeks of winter.

Wocka wocka wocka.

1 Comments:

Blogger Doug said...

Congrats on your son. My first is due in 2 months and I'm looking for just the right Met name for him. "Shea" is in the running - but a bit too feminine and Irish (I'm jewish). "Seaver" is an option too. Any thoughts or suggestions ?

2:21 AM  

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