South Of Shea

One thing I didn't anticipate when I moved down south was that Southerners refer to anyone born and raised north of Baltimore as a "yankee." As a true-blue Mets fan, I tried to convince my new co-workers that this was just not acceptable! Please, please call me anything but that! I even offered up suggested replacements for the dreaded "y" word:

• Northern Elitist Scum
• Yellow-Bellied Liberal Bastard
• F*ckin' New Yorker

They just didn't understand. You see, they can't even tell the difference between the Mets' and Yankees' quite distinctive interlocking 'NY' logos! So I tried to explain it to them this way: Let's say you are a huge, huge, Dale Earnhardt fan, okay? You've tattooed his number on your shoulder. You watch every race and curse his opponents. You only buy the products that sponsor his car. You with me? Now, you get into an argument with someone and the guy tells you to quit being so "petty." See how that would burn you up?

I'm here nearly sixteen months now, and I am still battling the label. I even considered getting a vanity license plate that read IH8YANKS. My wife wasn't sure how that'd go over. So, the battle continues...